Slanted and Enchanted* (Part Two)

*This is a lengthy one

Q. Why are professional sports players paid so much money?
A. This question surprisingly gets asked a lot. First, there is so much money in professional sports it is kind of disgusting. Let me just quickly run through an example. Take the Boston Red Sox. They are one of the biggest spenders in Major League Baseball. You ask how can they possibly afford it? One of the largest streams of revenue comes from ticket sales. Fenway Park is the smallest stadium in MLB, but the Sox don't need to worry because they are charging some of the highest prices for tickets. The fact that people are willing to dish out the big bucks every single home game literally pays off for the team. I was just looking up ticket prices and in 2003 the average ticket price was $42.34. There are approximately 38,805 seats at Fenway. The math is quite easy. The Red Sox bring in $1,643,004 per game. Multiply that number by 80 home games each year and for one given year the total amount of ticket sales is $131,440,320. That amount is almost enough to cover the entire Red Sox 25 man roster payroll which is currently somewhere around $143,123,714. Another major source of income is television. The Red Sox own a major portion of NESN, which is obviously the most watched Boston sports television station. They definitely allocate income from there to the players. Also, just by watching NESN or whatever station, people are being exposed to the team. And we all know that once you start watching and becoming a fan, you "must" buy merchandise to show your support. And merchandise is, by the way, a microcosm of another major source of income for teams: licensed items. These items include aforementioned merchandise (hats, clothing, bats, and toys) as well as video games, food, and beverages. The numbers can get outrageous in this category. Just say that 500,000 fans own $100 worth of total Red Sox related goods. There is another 50,000,000 there. In summary, the fans of the Boston Red Sox are paying the players by supporting them. If you think that they should be payed less, then stop buying Red Sox related shit and stop buying tickets. If you don't mind how much they are getting paid, then keep on doing what you are doing. Always remember that professional sports teams are corporations and businesses.

Slanted and Enchanted* (Part One)

(Quick Note: I just learned that you can indulge in what you gave up for Lent on Sundays. Unfortunately, I didn't get around to posting this yesterday, so I will post it right now. I am sorry, it might be a sloppy grammatically...like most things I didn't proofread it. It will show up in the next Spin, censored of course.)

Slanted and Enchanted
By Glen Maganzini

Q. Are Traditional Values Impeding Progress?

A. No. Let us define traditional values as social, political, and religious beliefs and customs that have been passed down from generation to generation. Opponents of traditional values, commonly known as progressives (or nut jobs, which ever you prefer), make up phony excuses and propaganda in attempt to change what is right. These are people who are against the death penalty, but somehow are in favor of a looser interpretation of the murder of innocent life forms. These are the people who criticize anti-gay marriage proponents of being intolerant, but are in favor of reverse discrimination i.e. affirmative action. These are the people who are in favor of the hedonistic consumption of alcoholic beverages, pornography, and prostitution, but are against materialism and corporations. Contradictions aside, traditional values are not impeding progress, but rather are maintaining progress. Some spurious “traditional values” such as militarism, war, and patriotism have been promoted. It should be noted that said values are not a part of the true traditionalist mindset. Traditionalists are struggling against the evils of abortion, crime, educational failure, welfare abuse, and the spread of aids. Who is to blame for impeding progress now? If your answer is the people who have brought about “change” then you are right! Good job.

Q. Are Corporations Evil and Greedy?

A. Are people evil and greedy? The question of corporate greed has always baffled me. By nature, humans are corrupt individuals. By legal definition, corporations are their own kind of representative entity. Realistically, who is running a corporation? Is it a bunch of robots or is it humans just like you and I? Silly question, right? For the most part, people are self-interested and self-indulgent. Hungry to reap the benefits of the cash cow, people do crazy things. For example, a CEO takes all the profits of a company and remunerates himself with a large sum of cash while others below him get shit. Chief Executive Officer is a position of commitment and responsibility. For some odd reason, people think that CEOs just play in office mini golf and stay at luxurious hotels. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Now, let us get back to talking about corporations specifically. Some industries would absolutely go to shit without corporations. Corporations employ a large workforce that consists of an intelligent minded upper echelon and dedicated lower level workers. Take the automobile industry for example. Make believe that this industry is small business based. I first can not even comprehend how many business failures there would be due to mismanagement. Second of all, the workforce would be so small that the segmented process of building a car would take an eternity. In recap, corporations can be evil and greedy. One should never generalize the statement by saying “all corporations are evil and greedy.” You can’t simply attribute human emotion to a business type or even an economic system such as capitalism.

Q. Commercials are stupid, right?
A. Right. These oft-corny pieces of shit are designed to enslave the mind, limit choice, and endorse propaganda. Promotion is fundamental to any business. If you don’t get your name out, you aren’t going to have customers and you are going to fail. Now, there are a plethora of other mediums besides commercials in which a business can promote. One thing that I have often wondered about is whether making a commercial is even worth it. Businesses are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars putting them onto the airwaves only to piss off innocent watchers of television. Let me not even mention the Super Bowl. The money that goes into the Super Bowl should be sent to African nations which are über-fucked right now. What is more important: which is the best Super Bowl commercial (OR) which is the most socially responsible corporation? I will take the latter and so should you!

Q. Television is pathetic nowadays.
A. Before you ask for my opinion, which should always be highly valued, I am going to have to interrupt you and tell you that I could not agree more with that statement. Add “reality” before that comment and perfecto. Television used to be a big thing back in the mid 1900s when families would gather together and watch whatever shit was thrown at them on the black and white. Today, there are so many choices albeit shitty ones, that people are literally being brainwashed. People need to turn the fucking set off and start pursuing more intellectual endeavors such as reading, researching via the internet, and listening to good music (more on this later). The only types of shows that should be watched on the television are: movies, sporting events, documentaries, and political discussions. That’s right! No “American Idol”! No “My Super Sweet 16”! No Entertainment Tonight! No more people worship! No more sucking of Satan’s cock!

*"Slanted and Enchanted" is an album by the great band Pavement

Have questions? Email them to Glen at GMaganzini@nesportsnews.com! He will respond to them in a future issue.

Next Issue (Part Two):

- Money in Sports
- Gossip Magazines
- Good Music
- More!