Slanted and Enchanted* (Part One)

(Quick Note: I just learned that you can indulge in what you gave up for Lent on Sundays. Unfortunately, I didn't get around to posting this yesterday, so I will post it right now. I am sorry, it might be a sloppy grammatically...like most things I didn't proofread it. It will show up in the next Spin, censored of course.)

Slanted and Enchanted
By Glen Maganzini

Q. Are Traditional Values Impeding Progress?

A. No. Let us define traditional values as social, political, and religious beliefs and customs that have been passed down from generation to generation. Opponents of traditional values, commonly known as progressives (or nut jobs, which ever you prefer), make up phony excuses and propaganda in attempt to change what is right. These are people who are against the death penalty, but somehow are in favor of a looser interpretation of the murder of innocent life forms. These are the people who criticize anti-gay marriage proponents of being intolerant, but are in favor of reverse discrimination i.e. affirmative action. These are the people who are in favor of the hedonistic consumption of alcoholic beverages, pornography, and prostitution, but are against materialism and corporations. Contradictions aside, traditional values are not impeding progress, but rather are maintaining progress. Some spurious “traditional values” such as militarism, war, and patriotism have been promoted. It should be noted that said values are not a part of the true traditionalist mindset. Traditionalists are struggling against the evils of abortion, crime, educational failure, welfare abuse, and the spread of aids. Who is to blame for impeding progress now? If your answer is the people who have brought about “change” then you are right! Good job.

Q. Are Corporations Evil and Greedy?

A. Are people evil and greedy? The question of corporate greed has always baffled me. By nature, humans are corrupt individuals. By legal definition, corporations are their own kind of representative entity. Realistically, who is running a corporation? Is it a bunch of robots or is it humans just like you and I? Silly question, right? For the most part, people are self-interested and self-indulgent. Hungry to reap the benefits of the cash cow, people do crazy things. For example, a CEO takes all the profits of a company and remunerates himself with a large sum of cash while others below him get shit. Chief Executive Officer is a position of commitment and responsibility. For some odd reason, people think that CEOs just play in office mini golf and stay at luxurious hotels. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Now, let us get back to talking about corporations specifically. Some industries would absolutely go to shit without corporations. Corporations employ a large workforce that consists of an intelligent minded upper echelon and dedicated lower level workers. Take the automobile industry for example. Make believe that this industry is small business based. I first can not even comprehend how many business failures there would be due to mismanagement. Second of all, the workforce would be so small that the segmented process of building a car would take an eternity. In recap, corporations can be evil and greedy. One should never generalize the statement by saying “all corporations are evil and greedy.” You can’t simply attribute human emotion to a business type or even an economic system such as capitalism.

Q. Commercials are stupid, right?
A. Right. These oft-corny pieces of shit are designed to enslave the mind, limit choice, and endorse propaganda. Promotion is fundamental to any business. If you don’t get your name out, you aren’t going to have customers and you are going to fail. Now, there are a plethora of other mediums besides commercials in which a business can promote. One thing that I have often wondered about is whether making a commercial is even worth it. Businesses are spending hundreds of thousands of dollars putting them onto the airwaves only to piss off innocent watchers of television. Let me not even mention the Super Bowl. The money that goes into the Super Bowl should be sent to African nations which are über-fucked right now. What is more important: which is the best Super Bowl commercial (OR) which is the most socially responsible corporation? I will take the latter and so should you!

Q. Television is pathetic nowadays.
A. Before you ask for my opinion, which should always be highly valued, I am going to have to interrupt you and tell you that I could not agree more with that statement. Add “reality” before that comment and perfecto. Television used to be a big thing back in the mid 1900s when families would gather together and watch whatever shit was thrown at them on the black and white. Today, there are so many choices albeit shitty ones, that people are literally being brainwashed. People need to turn the fucking set off and start pursuing more intellectual endeavors such as reading, researching via the internet, and listening to good music (more on this later). The only types of shows that should be watched on the television are: movies, sporting events, documentaries, and political discussions. That’s right! No “American Idol”! No “My Super Sweet 16”! No Entertainment Tonight! No more people worship! No more sucking of Satan’s cock!

*"Slanted and Enchanted" is an album by the great band Pavement

Have questions? Email them to Glen at GMaganzini@nesportsnews.com! He will respond to them in a future issue.

Next Issue (Part Two):

- Money in Sports
- Gossip Magazines
- Good Music
- More!