A Rant On "All The Pretty Horses"

Since I'm a major procrastinator, I didn't feel like starting my All the Pretty Horses essay early. Instead, I penned a rant on the novel. Here it is:

In one of the most poorly written novels of all time, Cormac McCarthy describes characters in great detail, but fails to depict their adventures in a tone rousing to readers. McCarthy overuses motifs to the point where the reader is besieged beyond belief. Corm Corm, we know you are adept and stylistic in incorporating blood, skulls, landscapes, and wait for it – horses. Born in Tennessee, the best you could do was presume what life in the south was like. Your stereotypical portrayal of the culture is derisory at best. You thought you were too good for college so you didn’t even finish. Your whole trying to one-up the world needs to end. We all know Albert Erskine is the brain child behind all of your work. It wouldn’t be the least bit surprising if Erskine, an old time Faulkner editor, penned All the Pretty Horses, but you wanted to take credit for it to boost your unbounded self-worth. Why don’t you give interviews, Corm? Because you don’t write your books, maybe? Loner. You don’t even know traditional punctuation rules. An English 101 class would have helped, Einstein, wouldn’t it have? Don’t give me your “well, I did it on purpose” crap. No, you didn’t. Punctuation rules aren’t included in a thesaurus, bud. Your extensive use of vocabulary is done to make the reader feel brainless. Couple that with your long sentences and you have succeeded in that regard. Don’t you feel special now Cormac? Don’t cha? Oh yeah and Spanish? An Irishman trying to speak Spanish. Wow. English-to-Spanish dictionary much? There’s minimal dialogue because you thought rambling was preferable in order to make you sound better. In sum, you need to retire. You already amassed a fortune writing books about the Old South. You are profiting off of reader stupidity. So called intellectuals who read your book should be ashamed if they can’t realize your wretched attempt at good writing.