Saturday, December 27, 2008

Top Ten Most Preposterous Rap Songs

RICK ROSS, FEATURING T-PAIN "The Boss" (Def Jam) Though Rick Ross claimed on his debut album, Port of Miami, to know Manuel Noriega, The Smoking Gun website found that Ross was a prison guard rather than an international drug kingpin before he was famous. Perhaps they met in the can? In any case, his assertion on "The Boss" that he "made a couple million dollars last year dealing weight" is absurd. Still, we're tempted to give him a pass on his claim that "I don't make love/Baby we make magic," because, well, we wouldn't know.

"When the Lights Go Out"

(Black Rose/Koch)
When Brooklyn's Don Diva Foxy Brown drops her thug persona and attempts to get sexy, you know things are going to get weird. Still, "When the Lights Go Out" actually creates a mood with its bouncy beat and twinkling chorus. That is, until Brown suddenly announces, "My na na na tastes like Jamaican kiki." We have no idea what that means, but we just lost our woody.

"Take You There"

(Beluga Heights/Sony)
"Take You There," which got mucho airplay in '08 despite being released late last year, has a particularly curious premise. Kingston offers his shorty the options of an island paradise visit or a trip to a dangerous hood: "We can go to the tropics/Sip piña coladas...or we can go to the slums/Where killers get hung." Sean, you're only eighteen, so we'll tell you something about women: Take them to the beach at your own peril; the quickest way to their hearts is a guided tour of crushing poverty and lawlessness.
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