A Visit from the Co-Founder

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the site
Étudiants' laziness
Had reached its height.
Two news posts, then YouTube?
A mention of me?
Nothing on President
Bob Mugabe?

It's called newsmap, buddy.
I sent you the link.
Refer to it
So your website won't stink.
But slow days on this blog
Aren't anything new.
Tonight everybody
Has something to do.

But since I'm a nice guy
I came back tonight
To bring back some quality
To my old site.
No one in my basement
But me and some mouses
So I'll kill some time
By going to some houses.

Already had dinner,
Can't unwrap 'til twelve
So into your psyches
This poem will delve.
Acting like Santa,
Put in Chris's sock
The mic that Bill Hicks used
To suck Satan's cock.

As for my friend Fallon,
I went to his place
And dropped off a fancy new
Electric bass.
To reach Hurton's place
I traveled through fog
To drop off some leashes
That fit on a dog.

He's a dog sitter
So give him your cash.
I can't do it.
Dogs give me a rash.
I gave Ryan Suh
A new tennis racket
That surely would get him
Into the top bracket.

Did you know Liz
Has a dog named Bichon?
I gave her a scooper
For poop on the lawn,
The living room, bed,
Kitchen, yard, and basement...
Liz just wonders
Where her bass guitar went.

And as we all know,
Glen cannot get laid
So I gave my friend
An inflatable maid.
I went down his chimney
And sneezed from the dust.
Too bad for me
That this trip was a bust!

Glen had been sleeping,
But woke up, said, "Hey!
Completely forgot
A new song of the day!"

So he went to the hallway,
Noticed something queer.
Saw me, asked
"What the hell you doing here?"

"Just dropping a gift off,"
I said with a smile.
Then he says,
"You haven't posted for a while.
You need to come back, Ben!
The site has sucked wind
Ever since you went
And left it behind!"

"I can't come back, Glen.
That would be so lame.
I'm in college, 'Wakefield'
Is in the site's name!
I live there no longer.
The city's my home.
I can't keep on writing
For a high school tome."

Glen replied to me,
"Yet you have the gall
To come to my house
With a big blow-up doll."
And I said, "Come on man,
You guys don't need me."
"That's not what you said
Back in stanza three!"

"Okay, so I lie,
But it's friendly advice!
All so you won't make the
Same mistake twice.
I know you have ideas to
Make this site great!"
Then remembered 2.0
And said "Oh, wait."

Then I told Glen,
"Look on the bright side for once.
Your numbers are decent,
God knows you're no dunce.
You and the others
Can get what you want
And make '09 the year
Of the Étudiant!

There's plenty of talent.
It hasn't been harnessed.
Guns haven't been slung yet.
Swords haven't been varnished."
Maganzini told me
"You suck at rhyming!"
"Hey, give me credit for
Rhythmic timing!"

As I headed home, heard,
"Will you post again?"
And then replied, "Only
Every now and then.
Étudiant's yours now.
Update it with care."
And then I left his house
And messed up my hair.

So let us look forward
To 2009
And end this poem,
Which has been so asinine.
Hope you all have
A fun-filled Christmas night.
Happy holidays, y'all,
And visit my new site!

Yaz Hospitalized With Chest Pains

BOSTON -- Hall of Famer Carl Yastrzemski, the last player to hit for the Triple Crown, was hospitalized for tests Tuesday after experiencing chest pains.

The Boston Red Sox confirmed the 68-year-old Yastrzemski was admitted to Massachusetts General Hospital and was undergoing evaluation and testing. The team said no further information was immediately available on its longtime great.

The Boston Globe, citing an unnamed source, reported that Yastrzemski will have to undergo heart bypass surgery to fix a blockage in one of his main arteries.

Asked whether it was serious, Yastrzemski spokesman Dick Gordon said: "Any time you are in the hospital, it's got to be pretty serious."

The popular Yaz was an 18-time All-Star and spent his entire career in Boston, taking over left field for Ted Williams in 1961 and playing through 1983.

Let's all hope that Yaz makes it through all right.

Full Story:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3542769&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

All This Week in É

Got a friend named Glen
Strange to Boston men
Prays to God and catches cod
As fishes swarm again
His politics are bait
His victims just can't wait
To disagree and say that he
Is stiffer than a plate
But he just laughs and harnesses
The power of their hate
All this week in É
Athletes went to play
Swimming man got one more fan
And much more golden pay
All this week in É

See another star?
He's returned from afar
Walks so long to share his song
'Cause he don't have a car
Man who loves Pink Floyd
Left a mighty void
Even though a former foe
Said he must be destroyed
He used his punk rock spirit
With dissenters he toyed
All this week in É
War was here to stay
Do believe that death won't leave
Much to our dismay
All this week in É

Old friend plays the bass
Freshness in his face
Be impressed that he's obsessed,
His words, with this place
Man with perfect grades
Joins our escapades
Lit or math, don't know what path
He'll take when high school fades
Quite nice that we admins
Have such folk as aides
All this week in É
Battlefield's okay
Things improve, but we won't move
For many a day
All this week in É

Me, I'm almost done
Won't forget the fun
I have had, and I'm so glad
To know everyone
My time here must end
To it, others tend
And I must give them my trust
For I am a friend
Hope that I'll move upward
That I don't pretend
All this week in É
Readers yelled hooray
We broke news and sang the blues
Updates every day
All this week in É
Readers yelled hooray
We broke news and sang the blues
Updates every day
All this week in É

Just Watch the Video

Oh. My. God.

Paul Newman Has Weeks to Live

Paul Newman has finished chemotherapy and has told his family he wants to die at home.
The Oscar-winning actor was pictured being pushed from a New York cancer hospital in a wheelchair.
Yesterday, it was reported in America that Newman, 83, had only weeks to live and had returned home to his wife, Joanne Woodward.
"Paul didn't want to die in the hospital," a source said. "Joanne and his daughters are beside themselves with grief."
The source, described as a close family friend, said that the star had spent the past few weeks getting his affairs in order.

Full Story: http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24149703-663,00.html

I'm gonna miss him. Loved him in Slap Shot. Let's hope he takes his last days to do anything he ever wanted to do but never had the chance.

Isaac Hayes Dead at 65

MEMPHIS, TN (WMC-TV) - Musician Isaac Hayes died early Sunday morning, according to Shelby County Sheriff's Department spokesperson Steve Shular.

A Shelby County sheriff's deputy responded to Hayes' home after his wife found him on the floor near a treadmill inside his home.

Hayes was taken to Baptist East Hospital in Memphis, where he was pronounced dead at 2:08am.

Deputies with the Shelby County Sheriff's Department are continuing their investigation into Hayes' death, but they believe no foul play was involved.

Hayes was 65-years-old.

Very Sad. He will be missed.

Full Story: http://www.wmctv.com/Global/story.asp?S=8817903

Westboro Baptist Chuch Denied Entry to Canada

WINNIPEG -- Residents rallied Thursday to protect the family of a young man murdered on a Greyhound bus last week from a posse of radical religious protesters planning to portray Tim McLean's death as God's wrath.

Earlier this week, the Westboro Baptist Church - an organization branded as a hate group and infamous for protesting the funerals of slain U.S. soldiers - announced they would picket Mr. McLean's funeral to let Canadians know that his decapitation was God's response to Canadian policies enabling abortion, homosexuality and adultery.

But Shirley Phelps-Roper, daughter of church's founder, Fred Phelps, said a small group of protesters was stopped at the Canada-U.S. border on Thursday afternoon.

"They won't let us in, but we have a group that will cross in another spot," she said. "They'll have to strip search everyone who crosses that border or they won't know who we are. They'll have to see the WBC (Westboro Baptist Church) tattoo on our butts."

The resistance to the planned funeral protest started on Facebook yesterday morning when Jim Cotton, a resident of Winnipeg Beach, launched a page asking city residents to help protect Mr. McLean's funeral.

You have to wonder if this is denying free speech, even if it does incite hate. There are a few ways to look at it.

Full Story: http://www.nationalpost.com/news/canada/story.html?id=707624

In a Better World...There Would Be More Good News

Ever wonder why the Étudiant is so sarcastic all the time? We writers have become so disillusioned and skeptical of the people in power, and have turned this site into a place to vent and joke - to deal with it by writing. You know, a blog.

Not that we're a bunch of sad sacks - in fact, Glen and DeCarlo must be Morrissey's most upbeat fans - it's just that the news media's top priority is to turn all its consumers into Holden Caulfield. Bill O'Reilly gets you to hate Bin Laden's driver while the FOX News ticker constantly reminds us that the terrorists might strike. The corruption in China has made this year's Olympics the most controversial contest in a while.

The media has taught us how to look at the good grass on the other side of the fence and wonder why the grass on our side is a grayish shade of brown. The nation of Iraq is making so much progress, making us wonder if the mission is truly accomplished and if we can withdraw. Barry continues to inspire the world with his favorite words - hope, change, and unity - only for his chief opponent to compare him to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. Harsh, John.

Our cynical society doesn't want us to look forward to the future, but we try anyway. We try to help each other by writing what not to do at an airport, or by adding music to the day. We try to remember that whether things get better or things get worse, we'll always have our friends around to cheer us up.

All in all, we just have to remember that, no matter what the news media would rather have us believe, life is good. There's good people all around, and plenty of good things happening, and we Americans are especially lucky to be here. In a better world, the media would remind us of that.

Daft Punk- Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

This is so great. Some of you might recognize this as being sampled by Kanye West on his big hit, "Stronger"

Top Tan List: Weird Things That Happened This Week

Either the planets have aligned, the world is coming to an end, or God just picked this week to toy with us. Whatever the cause, this was a very strange, though very enjoyable, week. In fact, instead of the usual This Week in É format, I've put together a post of the ten weirdest moments of the past few days.

10) Confirming a few of the rumors, the Boston Red Sox traded one of their stars, Manny Ramirez, to the Dodgers. The weird thing is all the former Red Sox stars are becoming Dodgers - Manny joins Nomar and Derek Lowe! Four years ago, that was OUR lineup!

9) As you should know, I'll be leaving this site when I move in to Emerson. Subsequently, Glen dared me to reach 1, 000 posts before I depart - and I did, by tagging older, previously untagged updates. Hooray for tags!

8) On this blog, you hear a lot about a famous linguistics professor/author/political aficionado named Noam Chomsky. This week, Professor Chomsky became aware of our little site AND had a little talk with our own Glen Maganzini. Good work, Glen.

7) Chris Mogni...yes, THAT Chris Mogni...made a splash, as he tends to do, with his first work as an Étudiant - two posts about his summer homework. Don't worry, incoming juniors - the required reading doesn't get worse than Walden. You'll like some of your required reading. You really will.[/foreshadowing]

6) Chris DeCarlo makes this list not for any post he made this week, but for any post he didn't. After a couple Daily Recommendations, he disappeared from the blog to focus on his homework. Congratulations to Chris for getting a life!

5) Glen's been posting videos for a while now, but the content of those clips has gone in a direction far from the daily newscast format. This week saw the darkest, most personal, most introspective video yet, besides, of course, Rex Lam's return to Wakefield. Joking aside, check out Glen's look back on the last three years, in a video that just might destroy any chance he might have had of getting a girlfriend THIS year.

4) New Étudiants aren't too unusual. This week, we welcomed a few new additions, Mike Brisbon, Brian Hickey, Rob Reinold, Petar Todorov and...Chris Mogni. Yes, THAT Chris Mogni.

3) The other co-founder, Chris Morrill, is a bit of an insomniac. It's not weird for him to be out somewhere in another town long past midnight - but for me? Anyway, I had plenty of fun hanging with Chris and Brian Hickey on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning - and the strangest moment had to be when we were approached by the most insane stranger we've ever encountered.
She spent about ten minutes talking to us - each sentence having nothing to do with the last. It sounded something like this...
"Excuse me, but would you happen to know a restroom I could use? I like your haircut. You don't put sea kelp in your hair, do you? Because I do, and it costs 83 cents!"
I could go on, but any more would drive YOU insane.

2) Liz, Glenna Regan, and I danced the samba. This story began when Liz posted about a dance class at MIT and invited her fellow Étudiants to it. Unfortunately, only two of them went, because only two of them aren't pussies.

1) I went to a George Michael concert. I've always thought he was talented, and liked a few songs, but I never thought I'd actually go to see him at the TD Banknorth Garden. But when my cousin invited me to go, I asked, "Why not?" And you know what? It was a good show.

A Rant, Courtesy of Me, Andrew P. Fallon

OK now, boys and girls! This rant's gonna be about Manny Ramirez's so-called "Manny being Manny" bologna that we fortunately won't have to deal with anymore. Ready?

Screw "Manny being Manny". I sure as hell won't miss that shit. The only people who bought into that were the people who like put their fucking dogs in Ramirez jerseys and shit. He was just a distraction away from baseball! Just a fucking sideshow to Boston Red Sox BASEBALL!

I hope Joe Torre can smack some sense into this clown.

Thank you. You may now return to your regularly scheduled News.

World's Oldest Jokes Found

LONDON (Reuters Life!) - The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.

It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton on Thursday.

A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."

That's interesting, no? You can see the whole story at http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080731/lf_nm_life/britain_joke_dc

See the full list of ancient comedy at http://uktv.co.uk/dave/item/aid/604717

This Week in É: July 10-17, 2008

Who had the best week here at the Étudiant? Perhaps it was Glen, who briefly saw Suzuki Smith on Saturday, leading me to create this tongue twister: "Someone saw Suzuki Smith Saturday." Say that five times fast. Chris and I can also brag of having gone to a great show this week. The big three of the Étudiant saw Palm, Abe Vigoda, High Places, and No Age on Monday, and will review the concert in an upcoming video!
Meanwhile, Fallon took a trip to the Union's most boring state, New Hampshire. Liz welcomed Rex Lam back from China in a video that defies description. Chris turned 18, I listened to some music, and Ryan Suh still hasn't posted since March. Come on, man.

I'm goin' away

Image affectionately stolen from this page. - Ben
Yep, going to New Hampshire for a couple weeks, won't be around to post. It's gonna suck.

I'll post when I get back. Hopefully. If I'm not dead from boredom.

What To Do In Chicago

You should pick your brother Jake up from jail in Joliet, go visit a nun from your childhood, talk to Cab Calloway, go to a church with lots of singing and dancing, drive over a bridge full of nazis, go eat at your friend's restaurant, buy instruments from Ray Charles, play a show with your band at a country music bar, get chased by the good ole boys, call up Maury Slein to book you and your brother a show far away from home, escape said show through a sewer pipe, get shot at by Jake's crazy almost-wife. At that point, you'll be 106 miles from Chicago, you'll have a full tank of gas, and a half a pack of cigarettes. It'll also be dark, but you'll be wearing sunglasses. You'll drive back to Chicago with Illinois state troopers and for a short time, the Good Ole Boys in hot pursuit.
Soon enough, the Good Ole Boys will drive into some water, and you'll be done with them. By the time you reach the Chicago city limits, you'll be chased by not only the Troopers, but the Chicago police, and the nazis from earlier. You'll end your journey at Chicago city hall, the Cook County assesor's office to be exact, still being chased by an army of law enforcement officials. You'll make it to the office just in the nick of time to deliver the money from your big show, and your childhood orphanage will be saved. When you come out, you'll be surrounded by SWAT team members wielding assault rifles. After you do that, you'll be in jail singing Jailhouse Rock. Have fun!

This Week in É: July 3-10, 2008

I've realized something: the other writers are slowly, but surely, taking over. Not that that's a bad thing - I'm out of here at the end of August anyway - in fact, it's led to another big week here. Glen posted his AP History essay on Prohibition, drawing the attention of The Prohibition Era author Suzanne Lieurance. A few days later, Glen posted the hilarious viral video, "I'm Voting Republican", prompting a comment from one of the video's stars, Jason J. Baker, A.K.A. Rev. David Madison.
Meanwhile, Chris and Glen talked about Chomksy and the Minutemen, Fallon took some photos, and we all put our music players on shuffle. As for me, I'm just trying to stay tuned to the latest news. The fun never ends...and stay tuned for the much-hyped revamp, which Glen and I have been working on, along with a talented designer named Ed Vo....

The Minutemen- Corona

This is Corona, by The Minutemen, one hell of a song. I love it.



Enjoy!

Some photos I took

Here are some pictures I took. Enjoy!

Lincoln Memorial


Some clouds in a sunset


Some more clouds in a sunset


Blue clouds in a sunset


What do ya think? Comment please.

What We Listen To

I'll do 30.

1. Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World- The Ramones
2.Somebody Put Something in My Drink- The Ramones
3. Aeroplane- Red Hot Chili Peppers
4. Hit The Lights- Metallica
5. Do You Wanna Dance?- The Ramones
6. The Guns of Brixton- The Clash
7. Sell Out- Reel Big Fish
8. Nuthin' But a G Thang- Dr. Dre
9. Seek and Destroy- Metallica
10. Fall Back Down- Rancid
11. One Love- Bob Marley
12. Radar Love- Golden Earring
13. Woman- Wolfmother
14. Phantom Lord- Metallica
15. Solidarity- Rancid
16. Get Up- Dropkick Murphys
17. London Calling- The Clash
18. Unsung- Helmet
19. I Don't Wanna Walk Around With You- The Ramones
20. Salty Dog- Flogging Molly
21. No Remorse- Metallica
22. In Bloom- Nirvana
23. Breaking The Girl- Red Hot Chili Peppers
24. Kiss Me I'm Shitfaced- Dropkick Murphys
25. Houses Of The Holy- Led Zeppelin
26. Calling Dr. Love- KISS
27. Time To Go- Dropkick Murphys
28. 2 Minutes To Midnight- Iron Maiden
29. Do Or Die- Dropkick Murphys
30. City Of The Dead- The Clash

Spain Takes Home Euro 2008 Trophy

The Euro 2008 soccer tournament is over. Spain beat Germany by a score of 1-0 today in Vienna, with the lone Spanish goal coming from Fernando Torres. This is the first major tournament win for the Spanish since 1964. The Spaniards finish the tournament as the highest scoring team, with Torres providing most of the offense.

Congratulations to the Spanish!