Friday, January 18, 2008

Future News: Britney Spears dead at 26

Britney Spears, the popular singer who became a pop culture icon with her sexy image and tabloid-chronicled adventures, has died, her spokesman said Friday. She was 26.

Spears spokesman Lou Taylor said Spears died in Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles on Thursday. There was no immediate word on cause of death.

U.S.-born Spears had been suffering from chronic mood disorder cyclothymia. I don't know what that means. Let's just say she died from a drug overdose.

Born in Mississippi and raised in Kentwood, Louisiana, Spears' music dominated commercial radio, and her exploits dominated the media, irritating this reporter to no end.

A member of the New Mickey Mouse Club at 11 and a pop superstar at 17, Spears spent more than half her life in the limelight, leading this reporter to live more than half of HIS life with aforementioned irritation.

To her credit, she used to be beautiful, then started looking like crap once she hooked up with Kevin Federline, and had been looking decent up until the end. That's right, I'm a pig. All men are. Get used to it.

But Spears' music career was eclipsed, in the eyes of many, by her image. She was the object of fascination by people who enjoy watching train wrecks, people so discontent with their own lives that they watch those of troubled celebrities to feel better about themselves. This reporter would like to think that he is not one of those people.


  1. do you have any common sense? this article is pointless, find some important shit to write about instead of writing about something that hasn't happened. seriously man, get a life.

  2. The Wakefield Etudiant - news on crack.

    I think that Future News is not news, thus what he meant is its a bad idea to write a "future article."

  3. Again, my kingdom for an edit button.

    Please, this article is confusing if not borderline retarted (in the fact that most reading it get the impression that things have already happened). Please remove, it degrades the quality of the entire site.

  4. Chill out, people! I was just taking a break from real news and writing a darkly humorous piece. Don't take this post too seriously!

  5. well it's not funny, you're trying too hard.


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