Funny Article In Today's Daily Item

Well, whoever wrote "If you've got it, flaunt it?" in today's (May 21) edition of the Daily Item probably wasn't going for funny when he/she composed the poorly written piece. Overall, the article itself isn't terrible (it has decent intentions/obvious observations), but then again it kind of is. I feel the need to break the beginning of the article down completely by paragraph:

It's prom gown season and it cannot be ignored. Not when teenage girls are wearing gowns cut so low you can practically see the top of their thongs.

I don't see what the author is going for by saying "thongs" instead of the less specific "underwear". I sense a stereotype here already, do you?

Maybe it's an old-fashioned point of view to cluck your tongue over such attire. Maybe it's even prudish. But why do these girls feel the need to wear such revealing prom gowns? And why are parents allowing it? Some teen girls are so voluptuous, their breasts spill over the top of their gowns. Other dresses are cut so high on the leg that...well it's hardly ponderable. If a teen boy exposed on a fully hairy chest on the night of his prom, would he not be deemed inappropriately dressed? Should it be any different for girls?

Girls that wear so called "revealing prom gowns" usually end up being the center of attention. Not many other teenagers nor parents actually care if their friend/daughter is dressed in scantily clad garments. The teen boy exposing a hairy chest comparison is just awful (and highly uncreative).

Comb through the pages of any newspaper in the next few weeks. The girls, some as young as 14, will be lined up for photo ops in their silk, satin, and lace prom dresses. Forget the dazzling colors and sequins, oversized bows and flouncy petticoats. They don't get noticed but cleavage sure does.

There are people in this world that aren't sexually perverse, author. These people don't go looking for cleavage like you inevitably do.

What's a teenage boy to do? Ignore the fact that testosterone is roaring through his veins? Take an oath to look but not touch? Confess his lustful desires to a priest?

All these generalizations! Again, some people can survive without any kind of temptation on their part.

The rest of the article discusses - none other than - teen birth rates! How the author makes a sexy prom gown and teen birth rate connection -- I just haven't quite figured out. The article does correctly indicate that teenage girls in modern times are having more urges to look "hotter" and older. Hollywood and television are two things that certainly aren't helping cleanse these seemingly licentious young'uns, no doubt.

In conclusion, I have no clue why the author says this:

If they flaunt what they've got in prom gowns, why not their pregnant bellies?

Do any of you, the readers, see a connection?