Commuting To Work

After the California legislature managed to pass the strictest emissions standards--zero emissions--on automobiles in America, intrepid Californians have started to “Bike Pool” to work. “It’s a real challenge keeping your balance when the rest of traffic slows. I tend to fall over several times during a commute, breaking all my stuff or like losing my cell phone, but it’s worth it because we’re saving the environment and really sticking it to the Oil companies. Although, it does take me three hours to get to work now,” says newly minted bike commuter Mark Anderson. California highway patrol reports an increase in people pulled over due to exhaustion, flat tires, and heart attacks. But there is some good news according to California highway Patrolman Chris Meyer, “speeding is down, way down.” - Vulcan's Hammer

Credit to VH for producing an Onion-esque headline.