Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Different Types of Customers

Here I am going to give you a brief profile of the different types of customers I encounter as a cashier at a local supermarket. Johnnies Foodmaster, to be specific.

Asshole Youngster - Age Group: Under 13 - These are the kids who put their money inside of their sweaty socks and expect me not to care. They just put their food and drink on the counter, reach for the wet cash, hand it to me, and leave because $.25 doesn't mean a whole lot to them.

Innocent Youngster - Age Group: Under 13 - These are the kids who respond to you when you say "How are you doing?" and say "You too" after wishing them a good day. They take the money out of their WALLET and hand it to me.

High Schoolers - Age Group: Age 14 to 18 - They are generally pretty nice unlike their younger counterparts. They don't buy too many items and usually leave their change behind. If "they" consist of attractive females, then that too makes me very happy.

Young Adults - Age Group: Age 19 to 24 - These college age persons are also pretty nice and have a pretty good hang of how to complete a credit/debit transaction unlike older people.

"All Business" Customer - These people want to leave the store ASAP. They want their change and receipt as quickly as humanly possible. They usually don't say hi or bye.

Cell Phon(y) - These people suck -- they think that they can somehow talk on their cell phone and still complete their transaction in one try. Unless they are seasoned veterans, they typically fuck up at least twice. Of course, the one time they get the hang of it is once they shut off the phone.

Slightly Interested - These people don't make conversation except for saying hi and thank you at the beginning and end of the order, respectively. They usually stare off into space as I ring the items through. Ideally, all customers should hold at least a slight interest in being at the store.

Friendly - These people go above and beyond just saying "hi"; they might make a semi-humorous remark during the order. They usually are very appreciative and apropos say a decent word or two at the end.

Too Much - These people talk on and on about stuff that I couldn't care less about. They might say something as simple as a random comment or as deep as a laundry list of their problems. I appreciate their trying to make conversation, but it's just too much!

I'll try to think of more...


  1. I could do a 10 minute video about the seniors. You know, I just might.

  2. What about the superiors? Those who think that they are so much better than you becuase you work in a retail store?

  3. Oh definitely, Sara. Also, the people who know the prices of every single item might fit under that.


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